amelia (mmmbopthis) wrote,

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He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not...

I hate it that whenever we talk, he always has to mention something about our relationship. I hate it that of all the boys I think I have loved, my love for him in my heart of hearts was genuine. I hate that the one thing I want, his skinny-ass pasty white body enveloping me in a hug, I can't have. Isn't that the way it is?

Ah, the irony of it all. He always brings up her, I always tell him how much I hate her. He always says how sexy I am, I always think he means it. He always tells me that if we lived closer together, that we would be together - I always want to drop everything to live with him (or, conversely, I tell him to get the hell out of dodge and live in oregon). He yelled at me this time for letting too much time go by without calling him ("you said a few days, and it's been a week and a half!")(we take turns calling each other now, I guess). Last time I talked to him, he was going to join the army, and I yelled at him and told him not to do it. He told me today that he was pledging and realized that he couldn't do it. I told him that would mean he would have to be an international whore. He asks me when I will eat meat again - I ask him when he's gonna come visit me. He makes jokes that we both know only the two of us would understand.

He broke my heart not only once but twice. I feel the need to be creative to express my feelings but really all I can think is that apparently TPTB (The Powers That Be) think him and I have unfinished business. Or do we? It's been two years, and we still talk. I talk with all my exes, but not like this. Not like something hasn't been finished. Or am I just dragging it all out? Andrea, where are you when I need the perfect anti-Chance advice?
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