amelia (mmmbopthis) wrote,

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Only the dead have seen the end of the war...

I went to a show at the WOW hall last night kind of with Chris, but I met up with andy, charlie, Ty, sonnett, toby, jess, and rebecca. Everyone was awesome, they were all really supportive and it was great to see them - even sonnet. She is so cute, usually she is really drunk when I see her, and therefor she always says something that manages to embarrass me, who doesn't get embarrassed very easily. But Chris was awesome and when Against Me was playing, he got up onstage and chummed it up with the guys in the band.

I don't know where "things" are right now, and frankly, I don't care. Maybe we are just better off being friends. As long as I get to hang out with the other guys like last night. That rocked. Jess gave me a big hug and so did sonnett (come to think of it, so did Ty). And they are all beautiful people. I love them.

But I just don't feel like myself. I feel really jittery. If I were ever to do speed, I think this would be what it would feel like. I don't know if it is that I am not taking my darvicet every fucking four hours and therefor I am getting dependant, or what. No clue. Because I just don't feel like myself. I am alone right now, which I hate more than almost anything. And I don't know what to do, you know? I am an only child, you would think that I would know what to do. Sarah's not here, she is in San Jose this weekend and maybe even into the week, but seriously. I am at a loss. No matter how much I try to clean my room or something, it always needs more stuff to be done.

And my entire body feels lethargic one minute, and then antzy like I HAVE to go do something the next. I hate this feeling. It's so icky...
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