amelia (mmmbopthis) wrote,

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In my feeble attempt to actually do some work before my 8 am anthro final, I came to such a terrible conclusion:

I am discontent with my life right now. Not only my social situation, but my educational one as well. what am I doing to better the lives of other people right now? Nothing. The two things I care about the most, effing tae kwon do and music, I could be doing so much more. At least when I was teaching karate, no matter how taxing it was on my psychi, I was helping children learn more than just martial arts. I was teaching them basic interaction skills, respect, discipline, the works. and I love making music. I practically begged andy today to let me start playing with the wobblies. (well, they aren't going to be around much longer, so it really doesn't matter, but still). I love making music and making a difference. At least with karate I was doing something.

And what am I doing now? Nothing. Nothing matters. Not fucking poli sci, history, or monkey sex. Honestly, I disagree with half of the things in my monkey sex class and that is my fucking major.

You know, I could go anywhere in the world (well, most of the world) and I would be able to teach without having graduated college. Even in the US you can do that. But I'm not. I'm wasting my education on stupid people who died millions of years ago and I want to dig up their bones and learn about them. That isn't how it should be. I don't want to debate politics or learn about the way monkeys have sex and how it relates to my evolution. I want to be able to teach kids right from wrong and how to become a better person. I'm in college learning, but not learning anything that in the end is going to make one fucking difference, you know? I am squandering my existance and my financial aide collecting dresses and starving myself. How the FUCK does that do me or the world an ounce of fucking good at all?

I fucking hate this. Finals are a terrible way to end the term, too. I am learning a bunch of bullshit that I don't really need to know. Why don't I change my major to something that actually does make a difference? Like Environmental law? something useful? Because that, to me, is the only thing that sounds even remotely promising. That, or teaching adorable 7 year olds the difference between right and wrong and how to kick someone in the balls.
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