amelia (mmmbopthis) wrote,

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I hate how I feel like this. I can't believe I let other people bring me down like this. Seriously. I feel like ass because I don't stand up for myself.

They are fucking dishes. honestly. Why must you be a bitch about them? You have parties that I alone clean up afterwards, and then you freak out when I try to do the dishes. You don't mind the rest of the place being dirty, I thought maybe if I missed a spot then you wouldn't really care.

And I am not being stubborn just because I don't want to be in a relationship. Don't piss me off. Don't tell me "I thought always meant always" because I can't tell if you are trying to make me feel bad or what. But it only pisses me off. In the beginning our breakup wasn't about you. But now it has turned into you being a big jerk. Is this what you want? Me to talk about you in a public entry in my journal so at least you know that I think about you? Well, I do. And right now, it isn't anything good. I wasn't lying when I said I missed talking to you. But you blew it out of proportion.

And now I am waiting for someone to call me who won't call. And I am missing a kick ass show at the wow hall because of it. Or maybe I shouldn't be a douche bag and just go and not care because obviously I am just a big retard anyway.

Why the fuck do I have to feel like this? I don't have to, somewhere in my mind I want to. Just like I have lost 15 pounds. I blame it on being sick. But I sure like fitting into my new pants and looking good. fuck you brain.

I'm listening to John Mayer and remembering hearing it for the first time last year in Logan and Naima's room and spooning with the whole group on the couch and missing last year and my friends in the dorms and logan and naima and roger and erin and everyone. I look back and think that was a simpler life. Well, in a way it was. I didn't get in fights with my roommate over dishes because we didn't do the dishes.
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