amelia (mmmbopthis) wrote,

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everything just kind of snowballed into this huge emotion breakdown today.

I didn't know what to do. I thought a breakup was in order, and I cried and cried about it and talked to my mom and was really scared and wandered aimlessly around campus until I stumbled upon, of all people, Ruxton and we talked and, while he wasn't totally helpful, he consolled me and it helped.

And then I called sarah and we went back home. I talked to paul and I told him that I needed space and that we are both at different spots in our lives with eachother in our lives. And while I love him a lot and I want him to remain in my life, that I had things that I want to do before I commit myself to one kind of lifestyle. That doesn't mean dating other people, persay, but I don't want to live together right now. So he is being wonderful and giving me space and trying to be as understanding as possible. And that is all I can ask for the time being.

And then I talked to Chance before I went to work (first time in a long time). And he was talking to Steph. And I was kind of a bitch when he mentioned that. Hmm. I hate her with a fiery passion that can only be summed up in the Sun's core. She is the scum of the planet. She makes courtney love and Hannible lector look like decent human beings. The things that I encountered with her are things she is just inept. Talk about a blast from the past. But honestly, I think "hate" is the wrong word. because that assumes that I care. No. I blame him for doing what he did. But I don't want to put any energy into my utter loathing for her. It is just a neutral loathing. Because I don't really do anything about it. In some part, I think that they should be condemned for eternity in the passionate depths of hell and damned to spend the rest of their lives together. Just so they drive eachother so completely insane that every ounce of their being despises the other in complete and utter madness. Sounds good, huh?
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