amelia (mmmbopthis) wrote,

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The impracticalities of LOTR


okay, that is settled. Went hiking on Humbug today. It was tres bon. And then we went and picked blue berries. and I am having a girl's night out at Sozo's tonight, even though I promised to boycott them because they wouldn't give me whipped cream on my latte ("we only put whipped cream on mochas.") fuckers. And tomorrow we are going swimming and, again, it will be tres bon. And I haven't killed the kids yet.

Has anyone ever sat and pondered the fact the the whole journey of Frodo and the gang would be most improbable, if not impossible? Here goes:

1) Don't you think it would be much better if they just used horses?
2)why not travel straight to Mordor? Besides the fact theat Frodo wasn't originally going on the quest, and therefor they had to stop a few other places, they don't have to go through Mirkwood and Rohan, because they are both SLIGHTLY out of the way
3)Lack of food or money. Regardless of the fact that the actor playing Frodo is one of the best looking men alive and I would sooooooo want his babies if I wasn't attached right now (and he has a sexy elf guiding him), I don't think they would be able to find and/or buy food with their good looks. Therefor, I think they would run out of food, especially the way that hobbits eat. And get exausted. that's what the horses are for.
4)The hobbits were sure to get frostbite on that huge ass mountain. Even though sexy elf-boy and manly the hot hobbit all the way up it...I don't think their feet, no matter how tough, would have made it through.
5)there is NO WAY Gandalf would have made it past the balrog. Am I wrong? A fire monster can't break a several thousand foot fall. And I don't think it would have helped him.
6) This goes with out saying, of course, that elves and wizards and hobbits and dwarves don't exist (well, except the dwarves part, have you SEEN paul's mom???).

Anyway...and the most VEXING of all my magical books and movies? If I am not mistaken, in the next Harry Potter movie, the new director has chosen to do away with the school uniforms. PLOT HOLES! I can't handle incontinuity!!! That has nothing to do with the fact that the new director is NOT chris colombus... :-(
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