amelia (mmmbopthis) wrote,

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It just hurts, you know? I don't care, and neither does she. But if I don't care so much why does it hurt so bad?

And even more so because I decided to forgoe the whole RA thing (well, I would have been forced out of the position anyway) and therefor I am living with Sarah next year. Which will rock, though, because my financial aide covers off campus living, and they gave the position to her. And then everyone rubs it in.

It's like giving up a baby or an animal to a better home - it sucks that you wouldn't have been able to do your job but at the same time, you have to give it to someone who would have done a better job than you. And that is just the sucky thing realizing that I am the last person from perfect on earth. this just rubbing salt in an open wound.

And I am on my period. Again. it's been almost ten days. And this is the third time in six weeks. It sucks. I am sick of fucking tampons and being "indisposed" and this stupid birth control and not being beautiful and skinny and smart and not having a good job and getting bitch pay...and then I look at how selfish I am and get even more pissed off. How dare I get upset at that? I am in the top 5% luckiest people in THE FUCKING WORLD. I GET TO ATTEND COLLEGE.

I know what kind of person I want to be on the inside, why can't I be that on the outside?
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