amelia (mmmbopthis) wrote,
amelia
mmmbopthis

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So many thoughts, so little time...

Just like the title. I am nervous, confused, elated, overjoyed, worried, anxious, everything, all rolled into one little ball of too much energy.

Winding down the school year. I am starting to pack things up, partly for lack of anything better to do, and partly because I subconsciously keep telling myself that if I keep dropping hints to father time by packing my stuff up early, he will make the time fly by and I will be out of here faster than you can say "summer." Just like any other male, though, Father time DOES NOT understand subtle hints.

Thinking a lot about what direction I want my life to go in. Oh, man. I sure do have it better off than soooo many people in the world. I am so selfish, I sure whine a lot about not being close enough to my boyfriend or whatever, when, as naima noted as well, there are more people in the world concerned more with the next time they will eat than being concerned with stupid college and the comfy life that I live.

Had a huge fight today. Well, I wouldn't really call it huge, it was more just a little thing, the one piece of straw that broke the camel's back and it all came out. I don't really care, and I am sure that she doesn't either, but from what I hear, both of us were shaking with anger when it happened. Not like I am gonna post the convo online or anything, but her and I both said some pretty nasty things about eachother. I said something that I shouldn't have, and then another something that I have been really pissed off about for a while. and then she called me a fucking slut and to never talk to her again. So, it went better than expected. How sad is that? I don't know how to feel about it, I am relieved, and at the same time I am sad. I lost a friend. But, our friendship was kind of like a loose tooth just waiting to be pulled, it was hanging by that one strand and once it was severed, you can't really put it back, because it will never be the same. But do I really want the baby tooth there when an adult tooth could grow in place instead? I don't know, probably not, but it is the fear of not knowing that makes me want to keep the baby tooth there. No matter how much it doesn't improve my health. Oh, well. I don't think the baby tooth really wants to be there though. It has better things to do with it's life. Which is fine by me.

And I have a gajillion and one thoughts still swarming around in my head. Of course, none of them are fully developed thoughts, so it wouldn't make much sense if I just starting writing about them, because they wouldn't sound very good, and just take up lj space. Fuck everything!
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