amelia (mmmbopthis) wrote,

Thought a lot about Paul last night. I don't know what he thinks of me, if he even thinks of me at all anymore. Only three weeks left to tell him how I really feel about him. But what truly *IS* that feeling? Sometimes, I just want to not have ever known him in the first place, and other times, I...I love the way he held me in his arms...but I despise the way he treated me by day. I don't know!!

Oregon Ducks won the first game of the season. Yea for me.

Totally and utterly confused by the whole deal. And the fact that he isn't really taken. I don't know what to say about that. I really don't know...I mean, I guess it is good, but it puts me in a bit of a pinch because, when I thought he was taken, I didn't have to worry about anything. And now that there is definately something there, I don't know. And I don't know if I want a full-time thing with him, I mean, look how him and Jill turned out (the mother of his kid, with whom he was together with for two years, and I am thoroughly convinced hates me), I guess they got in a fight, and broke up and haven't been together since. I just don't know! I guess he got back today, I wonder if he is gonna call. prolly not. Whatever....
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