amelia (mmmbopthis) wrote,

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So, there is this girl in my hall that has this ass hole of a boyfriend and I couldn't stand him when he first "moved in"(her roomie left, so he basically lives with her), but upon re-examination, I really like him. He is growing on me. Apparently he left his hall because of some drama or something, and he is nicer to me and nicer to Tana, and he is being a good boy and not hurting my friend. Go Dillon.

Logan and I got into a fight tonight. About 75 minutes ago, we started drinking, and then we went to the EMU to play DDR. I turned around, totally drunk, and I accidentally elbowed her in the boob. I apologized a few times, but then it hit me, "I am ALWAYS the one that apologizes, no matter if it is my fault or not," so I just left. I think it was the best choice. Of course I am still inebriated, but I don't care. I mean, we are both a lot a like, and we butt heads a lot. The one thing that we have in common is her roommate, whom we both love dearly. But I don't want to keep being sorry for something that I didn't intentionally do. I really want to be her friend, but at what price? I refuse to kiss her ass. She is such an awesome person, she is so funny, so beautiful, so mystifyingly rad, and I came to a crazy thought tonight - "what would they be like without me? Would thier lives be better without me? What if I am intruding on their lives and I should just not bother with them anymore?" But, on the other hand, noone is too rich to throw away a friend. I mean, I love them both, but I am not going to...I don't know, I just wish it were all over. I know that I unintentionally piss people off, I know that certain people talk shit about me behind my back. It's like Linkin Park (damn you, Jeanne), "Do I trust someone and get fooled by phoniness? Or do I trust nobody and live in lonliness?" Yeah. I know that I am a fuck up. I don't care.

And then my brain starts working. I can't burn bridges all my life. I can't fuck up my relationship with my french horn professor, what if I want to ever take that class again? I can't suck at my grades, what if I decide I actually want to do law? I mean, I can't fuck up this thing with Jenn, what if i want to talk to her in the future? Or her friend becca? I am so dumb. I don't know...whatever. enough of being drunk.

Yay for hot singing boys. I kept getting the feeling that the divisi girls were all smirking at me, though. the redhead, the one that was kenny's ride, kept looking in my general direction and then smiling all funny. But she is a funny person in general. So it could all be in my head. And when Jeremy was singing, I kept thinking about the garden burger. And logan and I laughed the entire set.
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