amelia (mmmbopthis) wrote,

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Well, it's not so much that I hate my life right now, but...

Roger is being as ass. He is just so fucking rude sometimes.

It's getting harder and harder by the day as the time of year draws closer to the anniversary of Robert's death. I love him so much. But I don't know if I am getting any better. I know that every year, I get all dumb and sad around this time. But I can't get over it. What if my mind doesn't WANT to get over it? What if his death is an excuse to just hole up and cry every once in a while and an excuse to feel sorry for myself? Who am I kidding, I am just hanging on to something I should have let go a long time ago.

First time in a month that I am waking up in my own bed on a saturday morning. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing. It isn't like we have done anything like that yet, it is just that I usually pass out in his bed. And I went over there, and everyone was smoking pot and so I left. He was really cute though. I yoinked one of his sweatshirts (webelo camp staff - he is an eagle was robert...), because he never wears it (it isn't cool for him to wear it, but I love it!), and he was all excited that I was wearing his hoodie. Maybe he doesn't understand that the only two other hooded sweatshirts that I own are band shirts. and those aren't cool to wear around every fucking day.

I did the dumbest thing today. I was sitting in one of those retarded little wooden desks in english, right in the middle of the teacher's speel. I put my hand on the underside of the right side, and I felt gum. Being to retarded curious person that I am, I leaned over to check exactly the details of the ABC gum (I am still not sure *why*), and I leaned too far over and tipped the desk. haha. Luckily, I was pretty close to the next guy over, so I kind of fell onto him. But I was amused. and so was the class. And so was the teacher. she stopped and kind of just stared at me stupidly for a few seconds like she was trying to recapture every detail in her head. haha. it was funny.

Roger is being a dick. Why???? fucker
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