June 2nd, 2006

bashir: busy being emo

life lessons

PSA: This is an observation, not a pity party. Please, if you choose to, reply accordingly.

I've learned that the people that annoy me the most are the people I have the most to learn from. Mostly *coughgeminiscough*

My boss teaches me how NOT to engage in office politics, my dad teaches me...stuff...and my gramma teaches me how to love life. The exthatshallnotbenamed teaches me patience, what makes a douche, and how I shouldn't godmod. All good life lessons.

Each day lately is a journey to find happiness, to find balance, to find solace in my own life. Let's be honest: there's a chance I'm out of remission, and I live with it every day. This time, it's not just in the back of my mind, but it's a very real possibility and I may have another biopsy coming up next week. I'm fucking scared shitless.

But I can't decide if I'm just bummed because that's what a week in the hospital does to you, or if I am coming to terms with my own inevitability, because I'm having a really hard time keeping the positive light. I figure I should probably see one of those blokes over at the health center, but we don't have a good relationship (in that I find every single person at the Student Health Center extremely stupid)...maybe it's something I just need to get through? Or do I actively need to be saying my little affirmations? Or is all hope lost because I can't see it in myself anymore?

God this is all so fucked up.

But, Pirates make it all better. Lots of pirates and fun will be had this weekend. So there.