June 1st, 2006

cry yourself to sleep

(no subject)

No, it's not okay to play God with other people's future. Even if you think what you are doing is right, good, just.

Because inevitably, it will all blow up in your face. Benjamin Sisko's dad once said: "The road to hell is paved with good intentions." Yes, wisdom can be gained from sci fi.

That being said, most other things are rather boring. I'm not spotted anymore, merely mottled. I feel like my whole life is dominated by the way I feel when I get up in the morning, and decisions about my life and my health are made solely by the never ending "next appointment." "We'll know more after my dr's appointment later this week." "We can make a better decision after I know more next Monday." "I won't know more until blah blah blah." Boring and annoying.

And, lately, I find myself (not only being severely disinterested in LJ and drudging up things to write about) but also watching people and describing them. Ew. I hope I'm not turning into House. We're doing presentations in my Anthro class this week and next, and I watch students, my peers, give these slightly heinous powerpoint presentations and, for example, this girl stepped out of the shadow into the dim light provided by the window and she looked hollow. Used up. Fatigued. I watch people and describe them in my head. It's my new favorite pasttime, like I'm the narrator of my own story that will never be published.

Also, I've noticed that people tend to grope themselves in inappropriate places when they are nervous about presenting.
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