February 16th, 2006


unlike the last post...

this one actually has content.

I've been having a lot of problems that some of you may or may not know about. I saw the onco gyno and she wants me to have a procedure that would pretty much get rid of all the problems I've been having (minus the neuroses...those come with being a female, methinks)...

but it would also make me infertile. It's a hard decision. I pretty much thought I wouldn't be able to have my own children anyway, and have discussed that with loved ones, but this will just be the icing on the cake, if you must. This will make it for sure.

I was totally set on it for like the first ten minutes after hearing about it. Hell, no more crazy birth control side effects? No more other stuff that I've been going through? And then I called the two people who I thought would need to be in on the decision. And I didn't realize until I called #2 how much it affected me already. I won't pretend that I don't ever want to have my own children...isn't that what is drilled into little girls starting at, like, age two when they get their first dollie? I guess the good otweighs the bad, but this is a major decision...so I'm sad that I will never be able to wear cute maternity clothing and experience the *coughcheesycough* miracle of life and gain a bunch of weight and have morning sickness, but I know that this is the best thing for me.

This has all been a lesson in patience and made me realize what a lucky person I am to have the people I have in my life. Also, to be truthful to myself and to those that matter most in my life. I'm a big cheeseball right now, what can I say? Go back to the post before this and check out the pretties. That is all.