October 3rd, 2004

amelia coast

(no subject)

I'm not quite sure where to begin. The thing is, most of you (I did the math a few weeks ago, and I know something like 80% of my flist) know me in person and therefor would blow off what I'm saying, because you know what I'm like in person. Screw you. I know exactly what you're thinking. "Oh, amelia's trying to create drama again," "oh, amelia's got a crush. riiiiight." Fuck off.

But it's amazing the people that come into your life and when. Just when I thought I had a certain view on something and was set in my ways, along comes someone to completely shake it up just enough that when the dust settles from said shake up, I'll have completely new views. You follow? I just...I (well, I used to be) an avid protestor against long distance relationships. You know what I hated more than that? Online relationships. I've heard bad bad stories (you know who you are. I <3 you, girl!) about internet love gone awry. But just when I was at a place where I was comfortable with myself, independent and not needing a guy in my life, getting over everything that's happened (recent and not so recent), along comes someone to shake up my illusion of control.

It's hard to control your heart and who you fall for. And it's not (damnit, here comes that night train/cocaine song again, unaspencer! ) like this is lust. I've only seen a handful of pix (to his advantage, he's the tall pale scrawny type that I <3, but that's besides the point). It's the fact that we can open up to eachother. Amelia often goes to her girls for advice. But it's hard sometimes to talk to someone about what I'm going through in my head. And somehow, he just gets it.

The thing is, he lives in scotland. Yup. That's right folks. And one moment, I want to use all my financial aid to get a plane ticket. But that would be just a tad rash, don't you think? I like how maybe half of my friends are going to britain next year to study abroad. And yet, going there for what I study would be frivolous. Not like I've looked into it too heavily. But still...

And now that I've become more aware, been opened up...what now? I now completely understand you, BC (not sure if you want everyone else to know your personal life, but you know your own initials).