amelia (mmmbopthis) wrote,

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When you're on, I swear you're on.

happy. full. annoyed. sucessful. resourceful. confused. content. loved.

I was reminded again today in an offhand way about how little I've talked about what I've endured this past year.

*looks up* I can't even say it.

Cancer. There, I've said it.

I mean, I really thought that was all I've talked about in this damn blog. I just want to be done with it. Over with it.

In my haste ("show me the meaning of haste, Shadowfax!" <3) to be done with this stupid piece of my life, have I completely blocked it mentally? I've been telling myself for the past year that Leukemia wasn't my life, only a part of my life. Have I seperated myself too much from it? People often wonder if it's a sore spot in my life to talk about. It's not. I'm not sensitive towards it. Or am I? I fucking hate thinking like this. About this. See? There I go.

*snorts* there's certainly been more to this year than leukemia though. Am I trying to convince myself? Others? Or am I just stating the painstakingly obvious?

I wish people who don't have an LJ but read mine would leave me a note so I knew who was reading it. I know there are about three and a half (the half being my dad because he said he wouldn't but did anyway and it fucking pissed me off and I don't know if he still does) people who do. Not that anyone who is ever online can't find it, it *IS* public...I would hate to go to Friends Only just because some people...never mind.

I need a break from LJ.

riiiiight. Like that will happen...
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