amelia (mmmbopthis) wrote,

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Sometimes I really truly hate what I've become. Of course, some days I really love being me, and that's the overall tone of my life. But when I look around at think about all the people I've fucked over or hurt in general: for that I'm sorry.

Sometimes, once in a great while, I am disgusted with what my DNA encoding sequence has produced. The hideous nature of my shortcomings becoming blindingly apparent at certain times. I suppose today is one of them.

I didn't intend to make today my work day, and yet it happened. I stayed on an extra shift, which was okay, because I got to spend 4.5 solid hours with Shelley, whom I adore and we made asses out of ourselves in front of the hot, barely-legal freshman. Meh, what can you say.

It hit me like a brick today (actually, on sunday night, my last closing shift EVER - if I can help it - and my last fucking shift with the hideously evil entity that is known as BILL - or Diana, if you prefer her real name), anyway, it hit me: We spend ass loads of money and time now so that we can make assloads of money later and waste assloads of time. Fuck. I hate needing money, I hate paying bills, I just hate money. I want to live thousands of years ago. When the price of food was negotiable and you owned your own property. Didn't pay your electric, because there was none!

Really, on a scale of suck-to-rock, today was neutral. A drastic improvement over yesterday.
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