amelia (mmmbopthis) wrote,

I'm somewhere in that state between happiness and sadness, kind of like that state between sleeping and being awake. Something that stays with you at all times, but you really can't put a finger on it. It's like watching water flow out of cupped hands, or trying to find a rainbow.

I may have a job. It will be nice to have a non food service-related job. And that will make me happy. Jess and I went on a hike yesterday (with her leading, it was like Gimli trying to keep up with Legolas), and eventually we got lost trying to find the car. We ended up at this cute little inn type thing, and we went in to have a look around. The lady was really nice and as we were looking around, she started asking us questions, and then asked us if we were looking for jobs. So she handed us apps - I turned mine in today. Yayayay!

I called my mom crying on the phone last night, after an awesome day yesterday. I just don't know. There are so many things and nothing going on at once and it's just put my emotions on a fucking roller coaster. At least now I know a lot of it are the counts. If only they would rise, damnit! Mom pointed out that I'm happy when I'm in Eugene because I don't have to worry about my well being there, because I know I'm well taken care of there. It's like moving out all over again - after seven months of them being all up in my business every day, I gotta get back to my normal life. Gah. Fuck the real world.

...I hope I have to wear those button up maid dresses at the Campbell House if I get the job. Although I most likely won't...

I look outside and all I see are unhappy people. I'm a moderately happy person (usually), and I figure that if I make a difference in just one person's life, then I've done something extraordinary. But the unhappy people - what about them? I wish I could help them. The people that just eat and eat because they are insecure, sad, upset, or just bored, the people who have oodles of stuff and are never happy, the people who just want the world and haven't a chance. Where the crap am I going with this...???
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