amelia (mmmbopthis) wrote,
amelia
mmmbopthis

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I like how kids can make you feel like a total failure. Wait, not at all.

I went the the skating rink with APO to help out with the Big Brother/Big Sister thing through the YMCA, and there was a certain kid there that my heart went out to- at first. In the beginning, he was just a really foul mouthed thirteen year old. And then he pulled a plastic gun out of his pocket and started pointing it at everyone, even in his own mouth. And at first, Dan and I were just like, "That's not cool at all." And then he wouldn't stop. So I finally pulled him aside and was like, "why do you have a gun? You know that guns kill people. Well, try this on for size. I have leukemia. I have a fifty percent chance of survival. Do you know what that means? (I held up ten fingers) You have this many chances, where as (I took away one hand) I have this many. I could die. Think about that the next time you point that gun at someone." It was just fucking sad.

And now I just feel shitty. I don't know...tired, emotionally spent, the works. I wish I could cry - that would be something. This is like the Neverending story - nothingness. Complete and utter nothingness. I feel like a big fucking void.

I don't know what to do about anything anymore. Am I making the right choices about anything these days? WTF?

But, on the brighter side, Matt just quoted hanson:

you are talking to me... and it is my summer.... and i'm going to be sleeping in a cute girls bed.... and you think i'm going to get out of bed before noon? you are crazy, crazy beautiful,, but still crazy
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