amelia (mmmbopthis) wrote,
amelia
mmmbopthis

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It sure is waaaay past my bedtime and I am talking to 57584985 more people than I should be. But it always makes me feel good to talk to someone that I haven't in a long time.

Hmm...things are...decent. I have been on an emotional rollercoaster. A lot like michelle.

I wish I could just be the person I want to be. And have everything in place cemented the way I want it, you know? I know what I want to do and how I want to be, now damnit, I want to be me for sure!

None of this wishy washy half assed unsureness. Why can't I just be the way I envision it in my head? I want to be able to know for concrete, written-in-stone-sure of what I want. Why can't I just be content with my lot? Things sure would be a lot easier if I didn't second guess myself all the time. I just...

I want things to happen in a direct and straight time line. And I know how I am when things don't go my way. I know how pissed I get when my roommate uses my hair dryer or when the pair of jeans I planned to wear that day are dirty. How the hell can I plan out the rest of my life without it going awry?

Oh....that's right, I forgot. Sorry. My life has been fulfilled since I went to the Hanson concert. My bad.

But seriously. I wish I wasn't such a wishy washy bitch. fucking head. Can't I give myself a lobotomy? And do what I want to do?
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