amelia (mmmbopthis) wrote,
amelia
mmmbopthis

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For the first time in what seems like ages, I feel good. Or at least, this is a start.

Paul came back last night and we hammered things out. I think. I will know more tonight.

I haven't updated everything for lack of energy. I just feel gross and everything. I stepped outside my front door to go to class yesterday, and a wave of emotions hit me like a brick wall. Guilt, sadness, grief, missing paul...it hurt so much. and I think I am giving myself and ulcer or something from all the anxiety.

But, he had an appointment to go see an apartment this morning and we can talk about it later. He told me that he initially thought a break up was in order, just like me, but that he loved me too much and that if it's meant to be, then this is the course to take. which is what I thought. So we will see how it goes.

I am feeling better, but still a little sad and angry. Mainly with myself. I am having weekly counsellor sessions, I know that I need them. Things just aren't right with myself. And I know that him living here wasn't the root of the problem, it was just the tip of the iceburg. Things will get better. I know there is light at the end of the tunnel, it's just a long tunnel.

Thank you to everyone who has had to endure and listen to me. I appreciate it. And happy birthday suz. Perhaps I will do something special in honor of your birhtday.
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