amelia (mmmbopthis) wrote,
amelia
mmmbopthis

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Day 18

CT scan today. "The nodule appears to be smaller and less dense." In non-doctory talk, the lung infection is going away and I probably won't have to lose a chunk of my right upper lung to visious blood-sucking savages probably a sterile medical garbage container.

I've been watching a lot of Star Trek lately (yes, I'm a geek, sorry) and in the back of my mind, things have seemed funny. Like they don't belong. And then I thought it consciously this morning: why are they so mobile? I've been walking around with a freakin' IV pole for 18 days, and I kind of expect everyone ELSE to be walking around with one as well. So it looks a little weird to me when people can maneuver as well as...well, people without IV poles. It's weird how that gets so engrained in your head. My head.



John Alden came the other day. Yesterday? The day before that? They all kind of blend in together around here.

Andy was here. He's been wanting to meet Andy for a while now. Andy didn't really say much, whether he was caught off guard or whether it was his initial shyness coming out, I wasn't quite sure.

And then in the same visit, the whole thing about my parents kind of came out. I had told Kathy (remember, she died? This is her late husband. Or however that works. Her widower.) about my parents, and she was like "Oh honey, I have heard EVERYTHING." But this. This was different. I felt a little weird, like I was back in middles school, when everyone was making fun of me for having two mommies, and maybe because I was wearing a funny shirt, too. His daughter was just like, "...oh. well then." and he was all: "...how's your cancer?"

Not that I don't LOVE John. He's wonderful. Amazing. His and Kathy's relationship and life and everything makes me want to be a better person. Their dedication to me and my fund and my well being has been instrumental in my survival.

literally.

but it was still weird. It's still weird coming out to people. And in my life, in the life that I have created, the people that I have surrounded myself with, the circumstances I have chosen to put myself in, it's not really been an issue for the last four years.

And why would it? I can't believe that sex is still such a weird, public issue. It should be more of a non-issue. I feel like kind of a pioneer of proxy-sexual preference. And it's still weird.

Not that I blame my parents. I love them.

but it's still weird.
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