amelia (mmmbopthis) wrote,
amelia
mmmbopthis

I had a Carrie Bradshaw moment last night, which might have been brought on by the season of Sex and the City that I just bought. *shrugs* a small freak out when I realized that something that happened to me might not be common knowledge, or is it? One of those old/current clashes where I sincerely could go my entire life without talking to the old and hope that the current knows that. Think Big/Aiden (halfway through season 4, so it's relevant). And if you're reading this (most likely), you're not the old. I don't post in his territory, he doesn't post in mine. Methinks.

I'm getting really frustrated with parts of my life, mostly because I can't control them. It's hard when you want something, but it becomes abundantly clear that that will not happen for a long time, mostly due to circumstances that I can't control. And that's the fucking worst. When you can't even control your own life, the direction that it's going in. I feel like a marionette of OHSU, doing whatever the fuck they want so they can "fix" me. *shakes head* I've been avoiding actually doing what I need to do to have my second transplant because I don't want to do it. Even though it's not one of those things that if I ignore, it'll go away.

Being powerless is the second worst feeling in the world. The first is not being special to anyone.[Edit: which totally doesn't mean anything relavant to my life right now. I have a WONDERFUL boy and I had written once that "the worst feeling in the world is not being wanted." That is all.]

Last night, Friday the 13th caught up with us. We were going to go to victoriouslimp's comedy show, but apparently it wasn't going to happen (was I reading your post wrong?) then, we were going to go to a movie, but there were none starting at the time we wanted. So we were going to rent a season from Big City Gamin', but they were closed by eight (new hours?!) then we finally went to Freddie's and bought SatC. Fuckin' A, the world finally gave us a big shitty dose of full moonism.

I really don't mean for my posts to turn into big shitballs, this just happens when I'm going through chemo week. I'll be done soon, I promise.
Subscribe
  • Post a new comment

    Error

    default userpic

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.
  • 9 comments