Yesterday...oh, god. Yesterday. Ended up not going to class at all, which was kind of stupid. I'm also not going to this class either. I mean, seriously, I can't really take time off and go home or anything, so I might as well just take some me time. I was advised to take the rest of the year off and go home - obviously one doesn't know how much school and my current life mean to me. I'm busy, and I hate it but I love it at the same time.
You know when you have a bad day, everything seems to go wrong? Most things went wrong yesterday, but it was good to just hang out for a couple hours. I know he's got a lot on his mind as well, but just knowing that someone was there to snuggle me and comfort me was, well...comforting. And I would have called naima or something to come over and stay there till I fell asleep or something...does that sound dumb? Instead, I talked to Tom and that was good because it's always good to talk to him. :-)
And you know when you have to put on a happy face even when you don't want to and you just forget that you're sad? That, surprisingly, happened at work this morning. It felt good. I left work frazzled but in an infinately better mood than when I got there at 6:15 am.
I think things are slowly getting better. I mean...couldn't get much worse, right? Andrea mentioned that shitty things inevitabley happen in groups of three. And this, well, I kicked it's ass.
And my counts are up. I'm scared - angie dying of a stroke because her platelets are low makes me nervous. I mean, hers were extremely low, but now I'm my platelets' biggest fan: "go platelets, go!!!"
And I guess something else good happened at work. Okay, not really good, but rather a symbol of goodness. My hair is getting so long that I now have to wear a hairnet. So, good, not so good...whatever.
I sound like I have so many problems. I guess it's just one problem that I conquered and kicked it's cancerous ASS and now there are all these minor problems that are surfacing. I know...but you know what? Fuck that. Fuck it that I feel guilty to be alive. Fuck everything. I'm alive. The school hasn't kicked me out yet. I have a good life, no matter what funk I get into. I have my health and most of my friends.