amelia (mmmbopthis) wrote,
amelia
mmmbopthis

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"we can only dream about tomorrow and hope it's better than today," The Duke

I'm home alone in the evening. Again.

I just...it's the same thing every time. I know it. But it doesn't change the fact that I feel this way. It doesn't change the fact that I cry at the drop of a hat.

I'm emotional. Overly emotional. Oh, geez...I just...of all the times in my life that I wish I didn't stand out, this is one of them. Oh to be a butterfly and just go through my days and only having to worry about being caught for a 5th grade science expiriment.

It's amazing the people that come into your life. And for what reason. And at what point in your life they do so. The chain of events that leads to a single moment in your life, no matter how fleeting. We try to hold on to that moment and own it. And yet it still trickles away from you like sand through cupped hands. No matter how much you think you have a handle on something - your emotions, your surroundings, the people you are with - control is the illusion (I'll make out with you if you can name the movie where I grabbed that last line from, or paraphrased it really).

I've gone through all of this and for what? To be pissed off and sad because of stupid platelets and what's the point of that? No matter how many times I tell myself it doesn't run my life, I...fuck...I act like it's the end of the world. So many people have so much more on their plates. I have it easy compared to some people right now. I'm so selfish. I hate it.

PS: disallowed comments. go empathize for someone else.
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